'Alice in Paris' by K.J.S.Chatrath

Oh to be young and be in Paris! It was way back the early eighties that I got selected for a year long training programme in Paris. I still cannot forget the day I reached Paris after counting weeks and days of waiting. However, the first few days in Paris made me feel like a bewildered Alice in Wonderland as everything appeared to be upside down. Having been brought up in an educational system based on the British Model, the Gallic words and definitions appeared strange indeed.

Since the training course that I was attending related to the International Economic Relations, it was inevitable that the omnipotent World Bank and its affiliates got their appropriate share in the lectures and discussions. When the International Monetary Fund or the I.M.F. was referred to as F.M.I. in French, I thought that this would be one of the rare cases where the French equivalent appears to be the reverse of the English word. But alas, more surprises were in store for me. I soon discovered that the United Nations Organisation or the U.N.O. was called O.N.U. in French and nearer Europe, the European Economic Community or the E.E.C. was called the C.E.E.! Similarly the Palestine Liberation Organisation or the P.L.O. was O.L.P. in French. While in the economics and finance I noticed that while we in India have our Panjab National Bank or the P.N.B., the Parisians are equally proud of their P.N.B., which is really the acronym for Banque Nationale de Paris.

As I was in an academic atmosphere, certain interesting similarities or dissimilarities relating to the educational system came to light. For some one who had passed through the college stage of education in India with more than insignificant amount of hard work and study, I was stunned to find that the college in France means the secondary school and not college as in India. What was however, most amusing was the fact that while class sixth in the French education system is equivalent to class sixth of the Indian system of education, after passing that class in France, one moves to class fifth and not to class seventh. Similarly after passing class fifth, students are promoted to class fourth and then to class third to class second and ultimately to class one which is really the equivalent of tenth class in India. And when I noticed that what is called ‘French Leave’ in English is called the ‘English Leave’ in French, I was not really surprised as by then the mind was prepared for almost anything.

Quite naturally I did not spend all my time dealing with academic issues only. Looking around, I found that ‘bras’ did not mean the thing worn by the ladies but the arms, of females as well as of males. We in India are used to imagining chiffon as a variety of extremely expensive and sophisticated cloth used by the rich snooty ladies. It was really a shock to know that the word in French means just a piece of cloth or rag and nothing more! Of course by then I knew that ‘preservative’ in French does not mean the chemical added to jams and jellies to make them last longer but the ubiquitous condom. While on condoms I may mention that the predecessor of the present day condom, ‘the French letter’ is called ‘a capote anglaise’ or the ‘English hood’ by the French and the dreaded AIDS is known as SIDA in France.

Would all this would I be wrong in recommending to the famous Jaspal Bhatti to visit Paris at once for getting some ideas for his “Ulta-Pulta”?

(This middle was first written in 1996 when late Jaspal Bhattis Ulta-Pulta series were a hot favorite on the TV.)